Beginning

Dear Mom,

It was heavy and sad to leave you today at the door of Tavern On Jane though we both knew that somewhere there was a lining of excitement. This week and weekend has been so full – full of anticipation of things to come, and full of the things themselves. There was a huge leaving, a couple if you include my apartment and some crucial souls in addition to that wonderful hotel and its most rigorous adventure of work. There were goodbyes to visiting family who I didn’t catch enough of. There was and is reeling gratitude toward people supporting particular dreams. Amazement. Utter exhaustion when I found the moments to realize it. I kept finding secret wells of energy that are apparently reserved for specific situations or types of company today. Then I would remember tired. Or loss. Or leaving.

I sang the Willie Nelson song I’ve had stuck in my head for several days while waiting on the above ground train station in the far reaches of Brooklyn. I cried while taking time on the lyric “they say that all good things must end”.

I think you’d like to know, though, that what it took was getting to the airport terminal and searching for my airline counter for the big smile to come. The one that comes out of a particular root screaming, “we’re doing that thing we love. Here we are crossing the threshold of adventure.”

The smile got bigger as I waited in security and looked at my flight info on the screen: to Oslo, and was shining that I’m going to places I’ve never been before. It reminded me of the unabashed radiance from love received that smattered across my body as I stared at my cast mates hurling applause my way in the elevator at the close of my final show. Just last night.

And now I’m moved out of Brooklyn, and my things are floating, and the next place I’ll actually live is Belgium. But thank god I’ll be back to New York for some minutes. And thank god I’m scheduled to sit on your couch with long, long coffees in September.

I love you. Thank you for teaching me that feeling big is the most rewarding way and that personal responsibility is a matter of respect and that living courageously is allowed.

See you on the other side of this one.

Timmy